I keep a note on my phone of my favorite verses, quotes, inspirational tid bits and a few of what I call "God winks." I went looking for one because, though today has been rather a floorshow of fecal proportions, the Heavens have opened up and all the creatures in my home are fast asleep before the stroke of 7pm (i.e. a God wink).
I also squeezed in an anti-depressant shower- you know, the ones where you sit down, hug your knees and stare at the soap scum around the faucet. But, with a surprising zing of positivity, rather than cry, I said some affirmations out lout. A fair number of them were about my writing.
I know I'm a good writer. But I don't think I KNOWWW I'm a good writer, like believe it to my bones and therefore trudge through each project with the unshakable, infectious, lovable confidence of Richard Simmons in glittery hot pants. I think I would jump more, shake more and give a few more hugs (C-vid be damned!) if I did. And I don't think I would have wandered so deep into a mental desert waste land questioning my purpose- I would have known writing was what would quench my thirst and end my parched hallucinations that I'm not good enough. It would have revealed to me that the "safety jobs" of the last few years were a mirage. I would have filled my cup and then some, allowing blessings to trickle down and bless the babies and that broad shouldered stud muffin of mine.
So, it was a good shower.
And as the house quieted, I looked for the verse. But I had only written "Pslam 45" at the end of a half-typed sentence. So I asked jeeves for the rest of it.
It's been a really long time since I read a passage, even though I've heard the knocking day in and day out. Absence had made the heart grow fonder and I felt seen as I read it. I wanted to use this study as a warm up session for working on my script.
Like Matthew McConaughey, I don't know what to do with the burning bush either. I read in my own style. For years and years, especially as a child, I felt like I wasn't really spiritual or religious or Godly. I liked glitter. I liked funny, borderline naughty jokes. I dreamt of Hollywood and the Oscars. I went to public school. My prayers went (and go) more like, "Yo God, so for real, I keep tripping on the living room step like I’m the long lost fourth stooge. Please help me figure out how my feet work." I've never once talked about an alabaster box. I think there was oil in it. Maybe olive oil. Maybe a fragrant oil of some kind. Well, turns out strong fragrances are also intolerable to me, so I'll just keep praying my basic life prayers from the nut-free section of the lunchroom.
So here it is, the verse and how I read it for me:
My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king;
I have a really good idea for a script that is worth writing.
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
I have a talent for this.
2 You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever.
Yeah, I am better than any male writer and not one of those assholes can write like what I am about to. (Side note- Bad Moms Christmas was written by two guys- WTF). Your writing has grace and class, well other projects do, this is on the edge of guttural.
3 Gird your sword on your side, you mighty one; clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
Keep your pen in your pocket, that favorite gel one you like; wear your good leggings and wash your hair and actually wash your face with products.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously in the cause of truth, humility and justice; let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.
Write your screenplay! And watch how it achieves the goals you've had for a long time. You've lived this story, you've waited patiently for God to work in your life and now it's time to move forward. Your tone in the work is true, humble and just- you want moms to be seen for what life and all its weird little moments is really like.
5 Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king’s enemies; let the nations fall beneath your feet.
Your pen is your weapon that will conquer all of the things that have stopped you- real and imagined, and if you just press forward with your writing, you will vanquish them all.
6 Your throne, O God,[c] will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.
God is always in charge, and he's the one who provided your favorite pen. And your pen will allow you to create the life you've always dreamed of.
7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy.
God will do what is right. He has a good plan. He made you a better writer than a lot of other dudes who are getting movies produced that they write about moms. And He didn't like Bad Moms either- thought it was flat too, lacking sincerity, and resting on the tired belief that all women want a freshly waxed man with a giant chichiracha.
8 All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; from palaces adorned with ivory the music of the strings makes you glad.
Remember to take care of yourself as you go. Take happy showers, wear clean clothes, workout and dance while you listen to good music.
9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women;
Remember that even though you've had some seriously weird and messed up interactions with not just a dad but a step-dad too, God will honor you and love you. And he will keep trying to show you that even though you really have a hard time feeling this one all the time, but once y'all are kicking it together he will make sure he really explains it, shows it and makes you feel it like nothing else.
at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.
Hey! A friend!
10 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house.
Be serious for a second, stop thinking about your weird dads.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.
Let God and let people say nice things about you. Let people see all the great parts of you and appreciate them, that's how you honor God and show respect to yourself.
12 The city of Tyre will come with a gift,[d]
Motherhood does feel like living in a city of Tired. But it did give me the gift of this screenplay.
people of wealth will seek your favor.
If you actually finish this and get it produced, maybe writers, actors and big time producers will want to work with you on other things.
13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold.
Sounds like you might get an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay like you always dreamed.
14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king;
And you'll wear a fancy dress on the red carpet.
her virgin companions follow her—
Your old Sunday School friends might watch.
those brought to be with her.
Maybe they feel like they have to watch...
15 Led in with joy and gladness,
Oh, they're going to be happy for you!
they enter the palace of the king.
They'll watch from the pastor's house.
16 Your sons will take the place of your fathers; you will make them princes throughout the land.
You won't look back to your dads for an example of what a good man should be, you'll look at your little boy who is going to grow up to be a real life prince because you lived like a Queen.
17 I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.
Everyone will love your movies so much, they will play on TCM for ever and ever.
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